Separation Anxiety

June 21, 2007 at 9:55 am (Mothers and Daughters)

My daughter is at sleep-away camp for the first time, and somehow I know she is handling her being away from home much better than I am. When I hugged and kissed her good-bye yesterday, she smiled indulgently at my clinginess and went back to what she was doing.

Last night I didn’t think I would ever get to sleep. I did fall asleep, but then I woke up at 2 a.m. and lay there worrying about her being out in the woods. I made my own skin crawl imagining all sorts of creepy crawlies paying her a visit. While she was probably sleeping peacefully in the heart of nature (or maybe giggling with her cabin mates), I stared out the window and wondered if she might be looking up at the sky in that moment too.

Her younger brother misses her terribly. He told me today that he missed her sweet voice. Every few minutes, he’ll ask, “Mommy, what do you think she is doing?” or “Mommy, do you think she is all right?”

I have been trying to stay upbeat by picturing her smiling and giggling and maybe doing her Hannah Montana rendition for her new friends.  Her favorite song is “Who Said?” and when I told her yesterday before we left that I would miss her smile and her singing “Who Said?” for me twenty times a day, she said, “Want me to do it for you now before we leave?” Of course I said I would. And I’ll be, if she didn’t kick it up about ten notches for my benefit.

I suppose it is pretty typical for mothers and daughters to get on each other’s nerves, and we do annoy each other sometimes. But one thing is absolutely certain, there is no one else like her in the whole world. She is so precious to me.

There is no one in the world I would rather discuss books with. (She’s almost eight years old and just finished reading a 300 page novel, so when I say discussing books, I’m not talking Dr. Seuss.) No one but my daughter can make sharing a chocolate bar so much fun. No one but my daughter can say, “Mom, you look beautiful today,” and truly mean it, especially when I’m dressed in an old T-shirt and slouchy yoga pants, without a drop of make-up on my face and my hair hasn’t seen so much as a comb much less a curling iron.

There is no one in the world like my daughter, and I thank God each day that she and I belong to each other.

Counting the hours. . . 

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Not Enough Conflict

June 8, 2007 at 2:32 pm (Writing)

Well, I was writing my new story and while the first 2,500 words flowed rather easily, I soon came to a standstill. I think the reason for that is I had not defined the conflict well enough. I confess I was quite depressed for a bit, and contemplated giving up. A couple hours later, though, I decided to let that story idea simmer for awhile.

My intention was to begin another new story, another short story actually. So I began working out ideas for this new story, and what do you think happened? Suddenly I had a great idea for a title, an external conflict, and internal conflicts for my hero and heroine for the short story. Then, incredibly, I began to see interesting ways to deepen the conflict for the book I wanted to write.  Now I am faced with the question of which one to work on right now.

I made some notes of my ideas for each project, and I plan to devote the hours from 8:30-10:30 p.m. tonight to the short story. My number one challenge is subduing my internal editor so I don’t spend all my time editing and polishing the little bit that I have written. My second challenge is to stop clicking the word count function. Aargh! I wish there was a way to temporarily disable it. My third challenge is to stop opening my web browser to check for emails on the story I already submitted. Why I keep doing that when I know not nearly enough time has passed to even expect an email I have no idea. Just another way of driving myself crazy, I suppose.

Now I’m off to do the dishes. . .

Mary

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A New Story

June 3, 2007 at 6:02 pm (Writing)

I haven’t posted an entry in several days, the reason being my mind has been rather overwhelmed by my current work in progress, a romance novel targeted to the Harlequin Romance line. The line, which is a new one combining the old Silhouette and  Harlequin Romances lines, is defined by the publishers as “romance for the heart, from the heart.” Isn’t that lovely? If you read the books being written for the line, you know the description is an apt one.

I began my love affair with Harlequin novels when I was in junior high, having first discovered them in the spare bedroom of my grandmother’s house. Today, even though I know as I begin reading one of these books that a “Happily Ever After” is 100% guaranteed, I am still swept into the stories of women just like me living their lives and searching for and finally finding “The One.”

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently decided to put fingertips to keyboard and pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a published author. Having finished a short story of about 8,500 words, I began searching through the cobwebs in my brain for another story to write. This time, though, I wanted to write a novel, specifically a 50,000 word Harlequin Romance. Before I started writing, I studied the guidelines provided by the publisher and the writing tips offered by several of Harlequin’s authors, most specifically those by Trish Wylie, Nicola Marsh, Donna Alward and Liz Fielding. These ladies not only write gorgeous, heartfelt stories, they are incredibly generous in sharing their knowledge and expertise with those of us who aspire to join their ranks.  

I had great fun creating a collage, or as I prefer to call it, a vision board, which includes photographs of how I see my characters, their surroundings and various props for the story. After completing the collage, I filled out character sheets for my heroine and her hero. That was hard work, but I believe I have a good idea now of who they are and what they want. Of course, things will probably change as the writing progresses.

My greatest hurdle at the moment is self-doubt, wondering and worrying whether or not I’ll be able to write that much about these two people. I worry that the story will flop halfway through or that, heaven forbid, they won’t fall in love the way I hope that they will.

At this moment, I am reminded of something I read in Anne Lamott’s book on the writing life entitled Bird by Bird. In the chapter “Polaroids,” she writes, “Writing a first draft is very much like watching a Polaroid develop. You can’t—and, in fact, you’re not supposed to—know exactly what the picture is going to look like until it has finished developing.” Those are such encouraging words, and holding them close, I will continue writing every day and hope that what develops will be from my heart, so it can touch someone else’s.

Back to the Polaroid. . .

Mary

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